THE DRINK NATION IS A FREE RESOURCE FOR FINDING EVERYTHING AWESOME ABOUT DRINKING IN YOUR LOCATION

Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

by Ryan Hudak on Mar 17, 2015 in Beer
Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

Dear Bud Light Drinkers: You are idiots.

Before you get upset, that’s not coming from me (though I’ve had my doubts), but straight from Budweiser. Since making fun of the craft beer segment that they are so desperately trying to buy their way into didn’t go over very well, Bud is falling back on their “Up for Whatever” garbage to try to be hip and cool and appeal to millennials. And they’re doing that with hilarious phrases telling you which whacky situations Bud Light is perfect for.

"Our fans will truly need to be 'Up for Whatever' when they're enjoying a Bud Light out on the town," said Alex Lambrecht, vice president of Bud Light. "We think they'll have fun doing the ideas printed on our bottles.” You will have SO MUCH fun! Dust off that Jock Jams CD, Bud Light drinker, and cue up “Get Ready for This,” because you truly better be up for whatever if you’re going to follow the Bud Light labels with such crazy notions as it being the perfect beer for “tuning up the old air guitar,” “taking off the blindfold and showing that piñata who’s boss” or “when you’re eating breakfast meats outside of breakfast hours.” WOAH! Slow down, Bud Light! My millennial 30-second attention span brain can only handle so much excitement, and you are juicing up all my party receptors to full blast!

The best saying so far, though, is that Bud Light is “the perfect beer for passionately toasting things you really don’t know much about.” You know, because you’re stupid. But I wonder what these things you don’t know about could possibly be. What millennials actually want in their advertising? How to make commercials that don’t directly offend breweries you just bought and want to work with? How to make good beer?

But why does AB-InBev think you’re idiots? Because they actually think this will work on you. They’re so profoundly misguided as to think anyone at all will give a shit about what is on these labels and, even worse, will actually try to perform any of the inane phrases on the bottle. Even Carol Phillips, president of the Brand Amplitude consulting firm that specializes in millennials, knows absolutely nothing about millennials. "While the big brands are still big, the little guys are cooler and hipper. So if you are a big brand, you've got to do the things that only big brands can do. A little brand can't do this.” She also said Bud Light "can't be a craft beer. So what can they do? They can leverage their scale to bring some experiences that you can't get from a craft beer."

Thank god. And thank you, Carol, for recognizing exactly what I want with my beer. Every time I sit down with a pretentious, $7 craft beer, I think, “this is delicious and all, but it’s lacking some kind of experience.” But not anymore, because I’ve found “the perfect beer for forming a one-person conga line.” All is right in the world once again.

Photo via Bud Light

 


Tags: Beer
Recent Articles

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
A Washington Distillery Makes Pickle Vodka and We're Into It

A Washington Distillery Makes Pickle Vodka and We're Into It

Blue Spirits Distilling has created a 120-proof, pickle flavored vodka that is just begging to be poured into your next Bloody Mary....read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Sep 12, 2017
You Can Now Drink Red Wine Out of a Forty, Just in Time for Fall

You Can Now Drink Red Wine Out of a Forty, Just in Time for Fall

If you're mourning the end of rose-in-a-forty season, don't worry: Forty Ounce Wines is now producing its first red wine in a forty, just in time for ...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Sep 11, 2017
Lagunitas Brewing Co. Has Launched a Cannabis Beer

Lagunitas Brewing Co. Has Launched a Cannabis Beer

Working with CannaCraft Inc., a cannabis-extract manufacturing facility in nearby Santa Rosa, Lagunitas created the SuperCritical Ale, flavored with t...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Sep 6, 2017
SPONSORED
Carnival Cruise Lines has Opened the First Brewery at Sea

Carnival Cruise Lines has Opened the First Brewery at Sea

The Miami-based Carnival Cruise Lines has hopped aboard the microbrewing trend with the founding of RedFrog Brewery, the first ever craft brewery on a...read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Sep 6, 2017
Things No One Asked For: The Guzzle Buddy Beer Bottle Glass

Things No One Asked For: The Guzzle Buddy Beer Bottle Glass

One company is making glasses you can screw right into the top of your beer bottle....read more ›

by Ryan Hudak Sep 6, 2017
Thieves Have Stolen $300,000 Worth of Wine from Paris Catacombs

Thieves Have Stolen $300,000 Worth of Wine from Paris Catacombs

Thieves invaded the Parisian catacombs to drill into a private cellar and steal 300 bottles of Grand Cru wine, the total value nearing $300,000....read more ›

by Alexander Frane Sep 6, 2017
Target is Introducing a Line of $5 Wines

Target is Introducing a Line of $5 Wines

Watch out, Two-Buck Chuck - Target is introducing its own line of wine, each of which will cost just $5. ...read more ›

by Drink Philly Aug 29, 2017
Feel Like a Kid Again With These Rose Wine Pouches

Feel Like a Kid Again With These Rose Wine Pouches

Between froze, rose drive-thrus, rose infused gin and tequila, and rose forties, the rose trend isn't stopping any time soon — and that time is defi...read more ›

by Jessie Donofrio Aug 29, 2017
Anheuser-Busch Shuts Down Beer Production & Gives Away Water for Houston Hurricane Relief Efforts

Anheuser-Busch Shuts Down Beer Production & Gives Away Water for Houston Hurricane Relief Efforts

Anheuser-Busch, brewer of Budweiser, has shut down its Cartersville, GA, operations temporarily, halting beer ...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Aug 29, 2017
The Rose Craze Continues with Rose Tequila

The Rose Craze Continues with Rose Tequila

2017 has been all about the rose, even more than the last few years. Whether it's drinking it from a 40, ordering it from a drive-thru, or eating it i...read more ›

by Alexander Frane Aug 22, 2017
SPONSORED
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close