Watery Beer-Like Beverage Wants to Appeal to the Stupidest Possible Citizens of This Country By Renaming Itself 'America'

Budweiser, a beverage that vaguely resembles beer, is attempting to change its name from “Budweiser” to “America” for the summer of 2016.

Anheuser-Busch InBev, which owns Budweiser (and, ironically, is based in Belgium and Brazil), doesn’t just want to change the beer’s name — it filed for a pretty ornate new label and is waiting for approval from the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. This new label would include phrases like “Land of the Free,” “Indivisible Since 1776,” “Liberty & Justice For All,” and “Home of the Brave,” a diamond that says “U.S.” on it, and lyrics from both “This Land Is Your Land” and the first four bars of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

This change could be for any number of reasons — the Olympics, the Fourth of July, “making America great again” — but if you feel the need to make your beer seem so patriotic that you literally rename it after the United States, maybe you’re laying it on a little thick.