Top 20 'Guy Walks Into a Bar' Jokes of All Time

We’ve all heard our fair share of bar jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan, but we’ve come across a few that actually make us laugh. Below you’ll find 20 great takes on the classic “A guy walks into a bar…” joke.

1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. 

3. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here." 

4. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape. 

5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react. 

7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.

9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.

10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."

11. George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

12. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

13. So a five dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar." 

14. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

15. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."

16. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

17. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

18. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."

19.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." 

20. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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